


CocoNUT Oil

by Bang Bang Beef Keef (BangBangBeefKeef)



Series: Cucumbers, Coconut Oil, and Kitchen Sex [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A little slow to start then it gets very porny, Anal Fingering, Bisexual Disaster Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Feelings Realization, Food Kink, Food Porn, Food Sex, Gay Keith (Voltron), Green Sock Reality, Improvised Sex Toys, Kitchen Sex, Klance smut, Lance never dated Allura, Lance sucks off a banana pretending it's Keith's cock while her jerks off, Lance uses a jar of coconut oil as a flesh light while pretending it's Keith's ass, Let’s get lewd with food, M/M, Masturbation, Nom nom nom, Not Voltron: Legendary Defender Season/Series 08 Compliant, PWP, Public Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Shameless Smut, references to anal sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 23:46:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19366096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BangBangBeefKeef/pseuds/Bang%20Bang%20Beef%20Keef
Summary: This story is not for the faint of heart. Not unless you'd be interested in reading about a horny Lance left alone in the kitchen, fantasizing about Keith, and fucking food while pretending it's him.Excerpt:Lance opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. He placed the banana on top of it, feeling weight of it, imagining it was Keith’s cock weighing it down.“Ahh -,” Lance let out a small moan that got cut off by his lips locking around the cock – er – banana.He had to slow his pace. He almost came there and he didn’t want to give up this fantasy just yet. No, this was way too much fun. Letting his mind go there with Keith, picturing Keith completely naked and towering above him with his grizzled body.*****Based on the workCucumbers and Coconuts (Or, Keith that is not how you make a salad)this is the official, authorized sequel!





	CocoNUT Oil

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Cucumbers and Coconuts (Or, Keith that is not how you make a salad)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19326763) by [RADifer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RADifer/pseuds/RADifer). 



> The is the sequel to [Cucumbers and Coconuts (Or, Keith that is not how you make a salad)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19326763) by RADifer 
> 
> Keith uses a cucumber as a didlo while pretending he's fucking Lance. It's scary hot so read it first!
> 
> -BBBKxoxoxo

“Heeeeeee –”

“Not in this reality, Lonce. Not in a hundred realities.”

Lance blinked at Allura. Their conversation hadn’t even begun and was she rejecting him already. “How did you even know I was hitting on you?!” cried Lance. “I didn’t even get a word out!”

“Your tone,” said Allura all too casual.

“My tone? How could you even tell my tone? I was halfway through the word ‘Hey.’ I hadn’t even spoken a full syllable yet.”

“I can tell,” said Allura, fully confident. “Are we good?” Her voice was chirper like she was certain of the answer.

“We good,” answered Lance, just as lightly. Allura went back to her work and Lance gave her a playful salute and turned away to find something else to amuse himself.

It had taken some time, but he was certain Allura was a lost cause. He’d known that from the moment he’d seen her look at Lotor. Lance didn’t just want a girlfriend, he wanted to be in love. He wanted someone to look at him the way Allura had looked at Lotor and if she hadn’t looked at Lance that way by now, chances are we never would. So he’d closed that chapter and moved on. Strangely that was easiest to do when Allura was going through her breakup because she needed a real friend to support her and not some horny boy trying to win her affections.

He’d matured. He was even proud of it and thanks to that he’d developed a close friendship. Of course sometimes he’d just slip into his old ways and flirt for fun, but it was more of an inside joke with the two of them than anything and Allura’s quick-witted rejections were good for a laugh.

Lance wandered down the hall of the Atlas trying to come up with ways in his head to kill time. He had a whole day off from being Red’s Paladin and although he used to complain relentlessly that he wanted a break, now that he had one he was listless.

He spotted a couple female crewmembers heading his way down the hall. One caught his eye so he smiled. When she smiled back he shot her the finger guns. This earned him an extra toothy grin, but not her attention as she continued past him down the hall, not stopping.

Lance sighed. A bored Lance was a flirty Lance, but where to direct all this flirt energy? That’s when Lance turned around, still looking back at the girl and collided with someone.

“Oof! Hey!”” moaned Lance, but then when he realized who it was he added a friendly, “Oh, Keith! What’s your hurry, Mullet?” That’s when Lance observed that Keith wasn’t operating at all like his usual self. His eyes were darty and his face was flushed. 

“Uh uhm. Just heading to- I just came from the kitchen and I was- I just need-” So articulate this one. It made Lance want to laugh.

“Am I too stunning that the cat got your tongue?” chuckled Lance, because hey, that flirt energy needed to be directed somewhere. Keith crossed his arms over his chest and returned Lance’s comment with a blank look. This was a pretty good Allura impression actually…

“What, did you find a powerful enough concealer to hide your face?” Lance was taken aback by Keith’s truly excellent burn. Heck, he was almost proud of the guy. That’s when he eyes noticed Keith was gripping something blue and white in his right hand.

“What’s that in your hand?” asked Lance, curious because it was digging at his memory for some reason.

Keith tucked his hand behind his back. “Just my sweat rag from training. Do you really wanna see it?”

“Ew, no thanks. I don’t want to touch mullet sweat.” 

Lance pulled back realizing he’d been leaning in with curiosity, but now he knew it was disappointing. Just as he was moving back the movement of the air caused something to travel into his nose. He sniffed. He was catching a hint of something. He sniffed again, starting to place it. Sniffed one more time to confirm then stepped in close to Keith since he was sure it was coming from him. Keith bristled from the proximity. Geez Keith, let us know how you really feel…

“Hey,” Lance asked, the gentle smell wafting from Keith putting him at ease, “are you wearing that cologne I got you from Cuba?”

Keith blinked. “I- I think? It’s been a long day,” Keith admitted, likely playing it cool. No, it would be too much for Keith to confirm and thank Lance for the gift. He was far too awkward for that. 

Lance smiled. “Good! I saw that at a local shop and thought you would like it. It’s one of my favourite smells.” Lance lingered there near Keith, taking slow inhales through his nose and just enjoying the scent.

“What - what does it smell like?” Keith asked in a small voice. “It’s not like I smell myself so - ” Keith looked flustered. It was strange he didn’t recognize it, but Keith was never one for details. Lance chuckled.

“Well, it’s a really light one. I don’t know how they make it, especially as a men’s cologne. Most of them are really heavy. This one is like cucumber and coconut,” Lance explained.

Keith got the queerest look on his face then blurted out, “Oh, yea? So, do you want the recipe?”

“What?” Lance cocked his head to one side. Cologne’s don’t have recipes… Well, he had just said he was curious how it was made so maybe he wasn’t offering, but questioning if Lance wanted to make cologne? What a weird phrasing.

Keith sputtered out, “Um - I - BYE,” and barrelled past Lance, nearly knocking him over in the process. Keith disappeared down the hallway, running with the strangest gait, leaving Lance utterly confused by the sudden goodbye.

Still…

Not his strangest interaction with Keith.

Lance picked up where he left off, trying to find something to fill his day, but with a bit of a spring in his step he couldn’t explain.

He had lunch with his sister, bugged Pidge for an hour while they tried to work, tracked down Shiro and played twenty questions with him without actually mentioning it was a game. It was more like he counted how many questions he could get answered until Shiro paused and said, “Do you need something, Lance?” If he got twenty answers first, he called it a win. He never got to twenty answers…

Everyone had stuff to do on their day off so Lance bounced around, checking in with everyone without forming an idea of what to do himself. It was at supper that he realized he hadn’t seen Keith again all day, not even during lunch. It wasn’t so strange of Keith to eat separately. He knew Keith wasn’t a fan of eating in a huge crowd of people. Sometimes if Lance noticed Keith was skipping multiple meals in a day he’d bring the guy some food. Usually Lance would luck out and Keith would allow him to stay and talk his ear off while Keith wolfed down his food like sustenance was all he cared for and he’d never tasted a damn thing in his life.

Lance returned his empty tray to the rack then went to the kitchen window to grab a tray of the prepared dinner meal.

“Hungry enough for seconds?” asked Hunk, through the kitchen window.

“No, just noticed Keith hasn’t come to meals today so I’m bringing him something. Guy forgets to eat.”

“Oh yeah,” said Hunk, thoughtful. “He visited me in the kitchen this morning, but he was acting odd when he left. Knocked over a jar of cinnamon and broke it then claimed he hadn’t heard it break. Does that even sound like Keith?”

“No, his instincts are Predator level scary.”

“I wonder if he’s sick,” mused Hunk. “He did look flushed.”

Lance nodded. “Come to think of it I saw him in the hall right before lunch and he looked sweaty, but he said he’d been training.”

“He was with me before lunch. I wonder why he’d lie.”

“Probably sick and pretending to be so tough,” said Lance.

“Right, and if he has a bug, the medics would’ve quarantined him in his room.”

Lance nodded his understanding. Their Atlas orientation had included a long speech about how they needed to be diligent with communicable diseases. One stomach bug could take out the entire Atlas if they weren’t careful, such was the confined space they were dealing with.

“I’ll bring him food and ask how he’s feeling,” said Lance, turning to go with the tray. 

“Thanks, Lance,” called Hunk, “You’re a good friend.”

Lance was a good friend to Keith. He’d come a long way from antagonizing at any given moment. Here he was bringing him food and earlier Keith had been wearing the cologne he’d gifted him. That’s when Lance clued in why his step was a bit lighter today. Having Keith actually wear his gift made him happy. 

“Hey Keith,” said Lance, knocking on his door while balancing the tray in the other hand. “You in there, buddy?”

No response.

“I noticed you were skipping meals today so I brought you dinner if you wanna open up.”

Nothing.

“Are you sick? Dinner was actually soup so that might help. It’s worth a shot.”

Nada.

“I’ll set it outside your door and, uh, if you need anything I’ll be in my room. You can even knock on the wall.”

Lance set down the tray and went next door into his own bedroom. He kinda wished he hadn’t told Keith he’d been here if he needed him because he still had a full evening’s worth of time free. He’d been a mix of bored and anxious and happy all day and he wondered…

Lance dropped down onto his back on his bed, threw out his hands and announced, “I’m horny!” Then he slapped his hand over his mouth wondered how sound proof these walls were. Probably pretty sound prood. Surely Keith couldn’t have heard his proclamation.

He let out a laugh, realizing he was in the exact right place with the plenty of time. This was masturbation kismet. No sneaking. No rush. Just him and his hand. He could treat himself real right this time. Set the mood even. Light some scented candles. He wondered to himself if he’d packed any coconut scented ones…

Lance rolled off his bed and onto his knees. He’d need supplies to get started and the most important thing was hidden in the drawer under his bed. He pulled out his duffle bag, which was seemingly empty except for the one pocket he hadn’t unpacked. He wanted to know it would be safe and a simple drawer wouldn’t conceal his stuff properly. He unzipped the small pocket. The first thing his hand felt was a fold of flat squares. He pulled the roll of condoms out to get them out of the way. He let them unfold then looked at them with a shake of his head. He must’ve been dreaming if he’d thought he’d get to use these. He tucked them absentmindedly into the back pocket of his jeans. 

No one was lining up to relieve Lance of the semi forming in his pants so no, he’d go solo and the only thing from this bag he needed to go solo was…

His band touched the bottom of the pocket.

Wait…

Lance’s hand felt around again. Felt nothing.

He pulled the bag out of the drawer, forced the zipper open as wide as possible and dumped the bag. Nada. He shook the bag, hoping it would shake loose. Super nada.

Not wanting to believe it missing, Lance systematically went through every single pocket before finally throwing the bag in frustration. He pulled his knees up to his chest and pouted on the floor. He could picture his lube in the last place he’d seen it. It sat on his desk, waiting to be packed beside the condoms. He’d shook out the condoms, put them in the pocket and then…

And then he’d collapse the condom box and taken it to the recycling while leaving his lube sitting on his desk in his bedroom at home - Ugh!!

Lance didn’t know what was worse, knowing his lube was sitting out back on Earth where his mother could find it OR that he didn’t have it now when he really needed it.

Both. Both were the worst.

‘Okay,’ thought Lance, ever the optimist. This was not the end of the world. He just needed a lube substitute. Lord knows he’d gotten creative on the Castleship and he could do it again. He picked himself up off the ground and turned to his vanity. There all his beauty products were displayed. Most were lotion based. Most we do as lube. He considered them, wondering which one to sacrifice for this noble cause.

“I can’t,” cried Lance, lunging forward and scooping all his products into a hug, “I love you all! I love you all too much!”

Okay, so none would be sacrificed. They worked in succession after all. They were his pillars of beauty. If one fell, they all fell.

So nothing in the bedroom to use as lube and Lance would be damned if he went dry like an animal. The only solution was to get out of this space and try to figure out where he could search for some. Lance reached into his pants and did the good old waistband tuck. With a semi it meant his boner wouldn’t even be noticeable unless someone was looking directly at his crotch. 

As he left his bedroom he thought about maybe going to the shower and using soap, but there were always people showering and he wasn’t going to quietly rub one out while hoping no one noticed. No, he had a whole evening free. He was going to treat himself right.

As he walked by Keith’s door he saw the tray was outside, but empty now. That was good. It meant Keith ate, but strange that he hadn’t opened up for Lance. Maybe he really was sick…

Lance scooped up the tray thinking he’d return it to the kitchen. It would be a good place to search for a lube substitute. For awhile on the Castleship he was using food goo as lube, but he had to stop. He ended up conditioning himself in a Pavlov’s dog kinda way where he got turned on every time he ate the stuff (so every meal…) or went to the kitchen… or got hungry… or even thought about food… It was bad.

 

The kitchen was empty and cleaned up from dinner. As soon as Lance walked in he noticed the strong scent of coconut. There were freshly baked cookies sitting out on cooling racks near the oven. Lance recognized the little brownish curls on top and gave them a sniff. Coconut. That would be the source. He wondered what gave Hunk the inspiration.

Lance picked up a cookie and popped it in his mouth, registering with his fingertips far too late that it was still very hot. 

“Ow,” gasped Lance. He opened his mouth and took deep breaths to try to cool the crumbled cookie inside. He fanned his mouth with his fingertips. The coconut smell wafted into his nostrils.

Actually, that was kinda why Lance was extra disappointed Keith hadn’t opened the door. He’d wanted to smell him again.

Was that weird? He just… wanted to catch that hint of cologne again and get the thrill he’d felt at having Keith smell how he wanted him to. Almost like he marked him or possessed him or…

Lance wiped that thought away. He was thinking crazy. Horny Lance was crazy Lance.

Back to business. Lance threw open a cupboard. A kitchen meant cooking and cooking meant oil and he was in luck. Right there, front and centre, was a big ol’ jar of coconut oil.

It had to be coconut oil…

Lance pulled it off the shelf, wondering if this would work well for lube. He opened the top and gave it a sniff. Now that coconut scent was just overpowering his senses. As he hissed out that deep breath he realized he’d gotten fully hard without meaning to.

“C’mon,” mumbled Lance. He needed to calm down so he could take the oil back to his room and do this right. However… he was tempted to just test a bit of oil to make sure it was the right fit. Obviously he didn’t want to risk having to come back to find something else and so…

There was already a bit of an indent in the surface of the oil. Lance dug his fingers along that indent, collecting a curl of oil. It was solid, but as he rubbed it between his fingertips, the warmth from his skin melted it to a slick liquid. With his free hand he unbuttoned his jeans clearing the path for his oily fingers to find his hard cock tucked into his waistband and slide around over the tip.

Lance hummed his approval. Yes, coconut oil would do nicely. Now if he could just calm down a bit he could take it back to his room.

He had to distract his thoughts for a minute. He looked around and thought for a second... It was strange. It was very coconutty in here, but he swore he could pick up a hint of cucumber. That was crazy. Cucumber wasn’t that strong a scent and it was impressive that the cologne mixed it with the coconut without it being overpowered. The smells suited Keith though. Now he was back on Keith again, but maybe that would help him calm down.

Now that he knew Keith was willing to wear cologne maybe he could be persuaded to use other beauty products. Lance was dying to get some deep conditioner into that hair. Of course new products meant new scents and Lance would have to be sure they mixed well with the cologne. His eyes fell on a fruit bowl on the counter. 

Food scents worked for Keith and this whole fresh produce thing was definitely working. He wanted to lean into the tropical part of it. Lance grabbed a banana. He brought it up to nose and smelt the skin. Yes, he could imagine this sweet smell on Keith, mixing in with the subtle smell of coconut. He set it beside the jar of coconut oil. Next he grabbed a pair of small lemons. He pressed them right to his nostrils and inhaled deeply. The citrusy scent stirred something in him. Yes, lemon would be good. Would taste good too, nice and tart.

Missing something…

Lance went and checked the fridge, but there was no cucumber. That was a shame. Lance wanted a visual of his scent palate he was designing for Keith, but he’d just have to imagine the cucumber. Still… four different smells was an even number. He needed a fifth to make it odd. Something sweet…

Okay, this was crazy, but Lance’s eye flicked up to the cupboard, which still stood open. There was a bottle of chocolate sauce. The cocoa scent mixed with the citrus would be good and chocolate tasted damn good with coconut and banana. Cucumber and chocolate wouldn’t taste good together per say, but the smells definitely mixed well.

Yes, chocolate would be there fifth scent. Lance reached up and pulled the chocolate sauce from the shelf. It was a leaking a little from the lid so he ran a finger along it and swiped it into his mouth.

“Mmm,” hummed Lance. Yes, Keith tasted good. Uh, er… not Keith…

Wait…

Lance looked down. Had he seriously been stroking himself with the oil this whole time? How could he just do that without realizing he was touching himself? And he was thinking about smelling Keith. There was nothing sexy about smelling Keith. His dick gave a twitch as if nodding in agreement.

This was his accidental kitchen kink all over again…

“Stop,” said Lance, speaking to his dick. Yet his hand was still down his pants. This was on him, not his dick.

He couldn’t actually do this here though… right?

Lance stuck his unoccupied hand out over the cookies. There was still heat wafting off them and since Hunk likely wouldn’t return until he was certain they were cool, he had time.

“Let’s do this,” mumbled Lance as he properly unzipped himself and freed his erection from the constrictions of clothing. He glanced at the door then walked over to shut it. There. If he heard someone trying to open it he could quickly tuck and zip and then make the excuse that he was in there snacking.

Lance returned to the counter, taking another small scoop of the oil then letting it melt in his fingers before smoothing it down the length of his cock, giving his balls a bit of tender attention. He drew light fingertips back up, pressing just a bit harder when he reached the head.

He relaxed with a deep satisfying breath, which drew the scent of coconut into his nose once more.

Keith’s eyes flashed in his head.

He paused his hand movement. His heartbeat kicking it up a notch. His breath short and shallow.

He… he hadn’t meant to…

The thing about Keith’s eyes is they’re a blank slate. They’re chameleon eyes that change colour based on the lighting. Lance suspected their true colour is grey, but it’s impossible to know when they reflect whatever’s around like a mirror. Because of this, Lance couldn’t simply picture Keith’s eyes. No, not without imagining the setting first.

Sometimes Keith’s eyes were a bitter ash in the heat of battle or a glassy steal in the florescent lights of the hallway. In the Red Lion they were a light violet and in the Black Lion they were a deep purple. But this time when Lance pictured them… This time there was a warmth in them. A colour between orange and grey, turned that shade by the setting sun.

Lance held that picture in his head for a moment, enjoying the strange warmth it brought to his chest cavity. Like it was lighting up nerve endings that existed below his skin. It was the same feeling he had when he’d smelt the cologne on Keith…

Here’s the thing, Lance was no stranger to having the occasional forbidden thought about his friends. Sometimes he’d imagine what a robot arm would feel like stroking him or if he’d enjoy the crush of bear on top of him. It was all harmless and in good fun. When he masturbated thoughts would pass through. Sometimes those thoughts were men he knew, but they never stuck around too long and Lance believed in letting his imagination run free and experiment with scenarios knowing he’d never play them out in real life.

But he’d never thought about Keith before…

Whenever Keith had popped into his head mid-session, Lance had dismissed that thought. It felt different when it was Keith for some reason.

With that said, with this smell lingering, it would be really difficult to not think of Keith.

Ah fuck it! Lance would think of Keith this one time if that’s what his brain really wanted.

So Lance let those warm grey-orange eyes linger in his head while he increased his pressure. Fuck that felt good. And Keith’s eyes were just watching him, not participating, just drinking Lance in. Keith liked what he saw, liked that Lance was bigger than expected and Lance liked the way Keith watched him.

Would he only have him watch? Or would Keith want to participate too?

Lance’s free hand was braced on the counter, but it started to tip toe forward. That is until he found the lemons and ran a palm over them, caressing them. A little big for balls, but then Lance had always accused Keith of having big balls, the way he would charge into battle, head strong, never thinking twice…

His palm cupped the lemons, gently massaging them. Then he drew them up to his mouth and gave them a teasing lick. The rind held just a hint of that lemon flavour, an extra treat for the senses that inspired him to stroke himself just little bit quicker.

Silly Lance. Giving Keith’s balls his attention while leaving Keith’s cock completely unattended. Lance set down the lemons and picked up the banana. He gripped it by the stem end then touched it to his forehead and dragged it slowly down his face, taking a deep inhale of its sweet scent as he traced ever lower. Down his nose and his mouth, teasing across his lips then down his neck, between his collarbones. Moving further down his torso, dragging against his t-shirt until he held it beside his own cock.

Lance smirked, comparing the two in size. He was bigger than Keith or at least thicker. Keith would get just a bit angry when Lance pointed it out to his own amusement, but Lance knew exactly how to calm Keith down. He placed the banana against his cock then used his jerking off hand to slide over both cock and banana, sharing the slick of the oil.

This is what he could do with Keith. Take both their cocks into his hand and pump them. Lance gasped at that first stroke over his and Keith’s cocks. This would be so amazing to share. Both of them experiencing the same sensation together. 

Lance kept that up, stroking harder and faster, feeling that tingling heat pool low in his belly. He could get off this way. He could get them both off this way. This was the beauty of having two dicks in the mix but then…

He’d never given a blowjob before…

Now he was curious for sure, what it felt like to pleasure someone that way. What it felt like to have a mouth full of cock…. Keith’s cock…

Since he’d thought it, he had to do it. Lance went back to stroking himself solo with one hand while the other raised the banana up to his face. It looked huge from this angle. Lance gave the dark ended tip a teasing nip of kiss. It smelt like coconut so yes, this was definitely Keith’s cock. It made his mouth water.

Lance licked down the side. The taste of the oil was subtle, but the skin of the banana itself was bitter. He imagined a cock would too. It would taste like just a hint of sweat. Keith’s sweat from his training and missions, dried up and just a bit salty. Lance dove in, enveloping the end of the banana with his mouth, wanting to taste more of it, wanting to suck on it like it was candy.

Lance bobbed on the banana, holding it still in front of his face because that’s what was realistic. He wanted it to be real – er – realistic. He wanted to suck on that cock while he pleasures himself with his hand, just feeling so fucking good in the moment.

Wait…

This wasn’t right…

He couldn’t picture Keith like this, no.

Keith wasn’t ten feet tall! He was fraction of an inch taller than Lance (if he was taller at all and it wasn’t just an optical illusion) and if he wanted to suck his cock, Lance would have to get down on his knees to do it proper.

‘On your knees, Paladin!’ Lance heard Keith’s voice in his head, ordering him down. He was his leader after all. He could order him around. Oh yeah, what if he abused his power like that? Used it to get Lance to do whatever naughty things entered his head. 

Lance would be obstinate though. Wouldn’t follow orders, at least not right away. Keith would have to push him down, hard. ‘I said get down!’

What choice would Lance have? He’d be forced to cooperate. He wouldn’t have any say in what happened next. Not when Keith told him to open up then slid his cock into his mouth.

Lance opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. He placed the banana on top of it, feeling weight of it, imagining it was Keith’s cock weighing it down.

“Ahh -,” Lance let out a small moan that got cut off by his lips locking around the cock – er – banana.

He had to slow his pace. He almost came there and he didn’t want to give up this fantasy just yet. No, this was way too much fun. Letting his mind go there with Keith, picturing Keith completely naked and towering above him with his grizzled body.

“Mmmm,” Lance hummed around the banana in his mouth, taking in only half. He was mindful of his throat, not wanting to over extend his reach, but then… Keith would grow so impatient. He didn’t like taking his time. He wanted this fast and hard. He would grab the back of Lance’s neck and force him to go deeper. Make him take it.

Lance pushed the banana in as far as it would go. It hit the back of the throat, causing him to let out a tiny choke. Strange, but no so bad. He could take it for Keith if that’s what Keith wanted. He wanted to be good for his leader.

Banana held still, Lance bobbed on it, pretending he was being made to move by a firm hand on the back of his neck. The banana kept hitting the back of his throat and making his eyes water, but he endured. Then Keith got rougher with him, holding Lance’s head in place and fucking into him. 

Lance thrust the banana into his mouth with one hand, over and over while pumping his own dick with the other.

His senses were overwhelmed with touch and taste and scent. Keith was filling him up so fucking good starting with his mouth. Then he pushed a bit too much and gagged too hard this time, pulling the banana back out and feeling the contraction in his throat just as the pleasure gripped between his legs.

“Ah – Keith,” moaned Lance as he was cumming, spilling in his lap. The banana hand dropped to his side, all his focus on riding his orgasm out properly with his hand. “Fuck,” mumbled Lance when the big show was over except for the tingling between his legs. “Now I’m hungry.”

Lance spun to look for a dishtowel to wipe up, but found none. So instead he had to fumble and reach up for paper towel. When he was half decent, but far from clean, Lance leaned on the marble island and peeled the banana. He took a bite then looked at it. “Was it good for you?” he asked.

Hmm, something was missing. Lance looked back at the chocolate sauce. Yeah, why not? He grabbed it, popped the lid and poured some onto the peeled part of the banana. The next bite was heavenly. Best banana he’d ever eaten. Hands down.

Lance traced a finger up the side, collecting the chocolate sauce then popping the tip into his mouth. The sauce was slick but got sticky when it started to dry… just like cum. That’s what had been missing from his imaginary blowjob, Keith’s cum in his mouth. Of course, real cum wouldn’t taste this sweet… But maybe Keith’s would taste this good to him. Maybe he’d drink it down like a treat, like he was sucking it through a straw…

Okay, weird. Usually when he came his fantasies of whoever had popped into his head made a quick exit. But somehow…

Lance looked down to see he was very much still hard.

“Um hello, I thought we were finished,” said Lance sarcastically. He took a large bite of banana then broke off the rest and popped it into his mouth as well. He chewed with his mouth hanging open, wondering if refuelling was part of the problem. He’d just given himself a potassium boost and was ready for round two.

Lance tossed his banana peel across the room, landing it in the garbage for three points. He turned back to the fruit bowl and grabbed a second banana, holding it up to his face.

“So what’s left?” asked Lance, “You want another blowjob?” But he’d played that fantasy out already. “Or do you need something more?”

Lance scanned the room, his eyes falling on the coconut oil jar.

“Oh, I see,” said Lance, still speaking to the banana. “You’re concerned that I got you off with your mouth, but I only got off on my own hand. You want to make sure I’m properly taken care of. That’s so kind of you, Keith.” Lance’s smiling eyes switched to a glare. “Nope. Not buying it. You’re not the generous type so… Oh, I get it. It’s you that wants more. I got to have your cock in me and now you want mine inside you. You’re hungry for cock.”

Lance reached out and held his hand out over the cookies. Yes, still heat rising from them. Hunk wouldn’t be on his way back yet.

The banana wasn’t needed anymore so he put it down for now beside the chocolate sauce on the island and went for the coconut oil. Lance picked it up and pushed at the surface with his index and middle finger. It had a bit of give, but not much plus it wasn’t quite what he wanted. So he popped the jar into the microwave and nuked if for 5 seconds. 

Lance tapped his fingers on the counter until the timer dinged. When he pulled it out he could see the surface was liquid oil. This time when he pushed those two fingers in, the oil gave way. Not only that but now it was warm, like a human body. Okay, now he sounded like a serial killer…

Lance laughed it off as he dipped his fingers in and out of the oil, smelling that coconutty scent. He scissored his fingers, opening up a deep and wide groove in the oil.

“Not so tight are you, you little slut,” mumbled Lance. “You’re practically ready for my cock. Have you been playing with yourself?”

One more finger pushed in with minimal resistance from the oil. 

“Three fingers, fuck Keith. You’re a needy animal.”

Keith would whine at him for the teasing, but Keith had been so mean with Lance and now it was Lance’s turn for revenge.

“I know you want me, Keith,” Lance whispered to the jar in his hands, “I want you too.” His dick gave another twitch, nodding its agreement. “I wanna fuck you in this sexy ass of yours.”

Despite not touching himself at the moment, Lance’s whole body quivered. Fuck, this was a good fantasy. It felt so wrong to think of Keith this way. He’d hate it if he knew, but this was Lance’s dirty secret. Just him and the food, and the food was never gonna talk.

Lance couldn’t wait any longer. He withdrew his fingers so he could replace it with the real thing. He’d never had anal before, but he was curious as to what it would feel like. Maybe a jar of coconut oil wasn’t the perfect substitute, but hey, it was what he had. And if that dude in American Pie could fuck a warm pie and pretend it was a woman then Lance could fuck some warm coconut oil and pretend it was Keith’s ass.

Lance leaned the bottom of the jar against the counter to brace it. One hand held it in place while the other helped guide his cock into the jar. The oil parted for his cock like the red sea, enveloping it in slick warm richness.

“Holy shit,” mumbled Lance, “Keith, you feel amazing.” The oil was the exact right temperature. Just solid enough to hug Lance, but liquid enough to let him move. Lance pulled back and was surprised when his dick tugging out of the oil made a suction sound. He pushed in and the noise was slick. Slick in, suck out. Quickening his pace, it sounded amazing, like real sex sounds.

Lance had to slow his pace because it felt too damn good. He’d already blown his load once and here he was all riled up again. He couldn’t do that to Keith. He needed to treat him right and get him off. If Keith wanted a big cock in his ass, Lance would give it to him. 

Was this enough for Keith though? A quick screw against the counter, clothes on? No, Lance shouldn’t deny Keith the sight of his body. He wanted to light up every sense for him. The visual would be just another on a long list of treats.

Lance pulled out of the jar and set it upright on the island. He was so oily anyway, it was best to get naked. Lance pulled off his shirt then pulled down his pants. He paused, having a brief moment of doubt, wondering if this was really worth the risk of getting caught naked in the kitchen by Hunk.

That coconut smell was still in the air… just a hint of cucumber.

Yeah, Lance fucking needed this and he needed it now. Besides those cookies weren’t near cool and he could use them as his timer to keep from going too long.

Underwear discarded and Lance was exposed to the cool air of the kitchen. It felt nice though on his overheated skin. He picked up the jar of coconut oil a.k.a Keith’s ass and wondered where he’d give it to him.

Missionary on top of the island sounded good. Just like American Pie. Where dude got caught…

‘Try not to think about. Try not to think about,’ Lance repeated in his head. He would be fine and if he wasn’t, he’d lie is ass off.

Lance set down his jar then climbed up onto the marble island. He noticed from this angel he could see himself reflected in the oven door. Now that was unexpected benefit. On all fours, he ran an oily hand up the back of his thigh then gave his booty a playful tap. Damn he looked so good. Keith was so fucking lucky. Wished he was here for real so he could see…

Wait no.

This was a fantasy not a wish for something he wanted to become true. Lance had to focus or he’d get confused between what he was imagining and what he really wanted and obviously he didn’t want to have anal with Keith in real life. That was laughable and never going to happen.

Fantasy Keith however was fucking hot to trot. The jar was in the center of the island. Lance planked his body above it, his strong shoulders and core holding up his body weight easily. He dipped his hips down letting his dick plunge into the oil then pull out. It was a tease of a thrust. He could almost hear Keith squirming and begging for more than that. Lance dipped down again and again, loving the ‘slock’ of the oil and rich silky feel. 

Keith was right. This was such a tease. With no purchase he could only do lazy rolls instead of deep penetrating thrusts. Lance moved to plank on his knees, needing to dig in there a bit deeper, a bit quicker, feeling that satisfying build of chasing what he wanted inside of Keith.

It was a bit awkward with the rim of the jar pressing into his lower abdomen and he had to not put pressure near his balls, but damn it still felt good and he could get there like this as long as he kept thinking about it being Keith’s ass he was going to cum into.

CLANK

The jar had tipped over. Lance had fucked it right over. He dropped to his side and snatched it up before it could spill any oil on the countertop. Hmm this position was an idea... He could fuck Keith on his side. Lance placed that jar on his dick and went back to work, wiggling like a worn to give it to Keith good.

“You like that?” muttered Lance. Fuck he could hear Keith’s approval in his head. Could hear the breathy little moans Keith would be making. How many times had he heard Keith out of breath and panting and groaning over the comms? He knew all of Keith’s sex noises. He had a catalogue of Keith sex sounds and he could happily play every croaky little mew and deep delicious grunt back for himself.

He’d practically heard Keith barking and whimpering like a dog…

That was a fucking inspiration. Lance rolled to his knees, taking Keith with him. Stopping for a half a second to see his bare chest in the reflection of the oven and admire how fine he looked when he was sweaty and just a bit oily.

Doggy style was definitely top of Lance’s list for how he wanted to take Keith (Wait… why did he have a list ready?) He needed to pay Keith back for fucking his face so hard it made him choke. Hitting him from behind so rough his pale ass cheeks turned bright red seemed like the appropriate response. 

Lance held the jar with both hands and fucked into it, getting faster as he went, pulling his hips back further and further and listening to that slap the oil made when his dick hit it so hard.

“Bet you’ve never been fucked like this, Keith,” mumbled Lance, “Bet it drives you crazy… not having control.”

And here is where things got really unreal. Lance could perfectly imagine Keith crawling forward, leaving Lance’s dick to flop down before shoving Lance down onto his back.

Obviously this wasn’t what happened… but all Lance knew was he was now on his back, the jar was on to of his dick and he was imagining Keith riding him. Lance arched his back, letting out a moan. This was too good. Being under Keith while he had his way with him, that was fucking great.

What would Keith say? ‘Not so cocky now, Sharpshooter.’ Yes, give him a bit of that Keith sass he loved. 

Like Lance would let Keith get away with acting so full of himself. No, he was full of Lance and we would never let him forget. He would overwhelm him with pleasure until Keith was unable to speak. Lance reached back, grabbing the second banana he’d set down. He lay it on his stomach so he could stroke Keith’s cock while he got fucked so good.

‘Ahh – Lance!’ He could almost hear Keith moaning his name… Or did he just moan his own name?

He would make Keith cum, cum all over Lance and – wait, hold on. Lance reached back over his shoulder and grabbed the chocolate sauce. He popped the cap with his thumb and then gave it a haphazard squeeze, imagining Keith’s moans as he came all over Lance’s chest. Strips of cum shot over his torso, the tail end hitting his face. Lance licked at the sticky sweet cum on his lips.

Keith had blown his load, but Lance was far from finished. He bent his knees and placed his feet on the counter. He was now free to take charge and fuck up into the jar, up into Keith.

Lance’s moan was loud. This felt so good and that oil was dripping out of the jar making him so slippery. It was so dirty and wrong, which was how Lance wanted it. 

But Keith wouldn’t be finished, would he? He wouldn’t just take it. He’d be naughty, tracing his fingers through his own cum on Lance’s chest all the way to his groin– yes they were Lance’s fingers, but he would pretend. When they were all slick with cum and lube, chocolate sauce and coconut oil, he’d reach behind him and push those fingers into Lance’s asshole and… Oh. Was that a bad idea for Lance to do that that? Should chocolate sauce go in there?

Never mind. Keep going.

Lance fingered himself as he fucked up into the jar of coconut oil, imagining pounding into Keith while the boy fingered his asshole.

Fuck. Lance didn’t usually play with himself this way and he had been missing out.

Lance moaned. He was getting so close. What would Keith be saying now? About being used like this when he’d already cum? Would he play at being angry? Push his fingers in deeper, swearing he was going to fuck Lance out the moment he was done as revenge?

He’d never the chance too. Lance was going to exhaust him. He thought this as he thrust his hips up hard, balancing the jar in place with one hand while he fingered himself with the other. He was going to fuck Keith empty. He was going to hollow him out. He was going to fuck him until his legs gave out and he was walking – wait. In the hallway earlier Keith had been walking strange…

Focus Lance!

‘Give it your all! Those cookies will be cool soon!” he reminded himself.

“You like my big dick, mullet?” mumbled Lance, concentrating on his fantasy, on the look of ecstasy on Keith’s face. How those chameleon eyes rolled back as he made Keith cum again and “Oh fuck…” Lance was cumming too. 

“Ahhh,” Lance’s knees collapsed in, locking the jar between them as his fingers pushed inside himself deeper… so deep. Keith inside him and surrounding him covering him with his coconut and cucumber scent. 

It was an intense one and Lance found his hips stuttering and thrusting even with them locked tight together. The pleasure was a hot fireball in him. He couldn’t catch his breath or steady his heart. Not until it spread outwards and released, leaving him a shaky, weak mess.

Like literally messy…

This would’ve been a good time for a reality check. A great time to sweep the fantasy from his head then begin to sweep up.

Cold cookies, remember?

But Lance didn’t want to get out of his head yet. Usually when he thought about someone he knew where he jerked off, the thought would move on quickly after if not during, but Keith…

Dammit Keith…

Keith wanted to stay. And Lance wanted him to stay too. Wanted to keep playing the scenario out, wanted to imagine the spent Keith collapsing on top of him. Imagine him giggling then lifting up to give Lance a light kiss and…

Oh fuck. He had not imagined kissing Keith before this moment… and he wasn’t even horny now to have an excuse.

Lance sat up, crossing his legs in what was a mess of oil and chocolate sauce so he could think about this. It was stressing him out how good that had all felt, but it was just a random fantasy he came up with it. It didn’t mean anything… did it?

He was hugging the jar of – now tainted – coconut oil. A bored Lance was a flirty Lance and a flirty Lance was a horny Lance and a horny Lance… really wanted to have sex with Keith.

What gives? Lance didn’t want to be with Keith. Lance wanted to be in love. He wanted to have someone who looked at him like Allura had looked at Lotor and –

Warm grey-orange eyes flashed in his head.

Oh fuck… The sunset. Their last night on Earth when Keith and Lance had watched the sunset together and sat and talked for hours as the light changed the shade of Keith’s eyes. It was when they were orange… when they were orange he’d seen it. He’d seen the look…

Lance hugged his legs and the jar, tight to his chest. Had he imagined that look? Or was it possible Keith… could Keith be in love with Lance?

And did what he’d just done prove that Lance was also in love with – ?

“Keith!” screamed Lance, spotting the boy’s reflection in the oven. Lance was so frightened that he tried to bold away and ended up slipping on the oil and chocolate sauce and slipping right off the counter. “Ow!” he hit the tile hard. 

How was Keith here? What had he seen? Lance hadn’t even heard the door open and wait…

Lance peaked up over the counter. The door was still firmly shut so… He looked to where he thought Keith would be based on the reflection and sitting there on the counter was a pineapple.

“Phew,” said Lance, letting out the most scared breath he’d ever held even though he risked his life everyday.

“Hey mullet,” said Lance, walking over to the pineapple. “Watcha doing over here?” Lance tapped his palm on the pineapple spikes like he was giving Keith’s top pony a pat. “What’s that?... You’re in love with me and couldn’t wait to see me?”

Lance’s face softened. “I think I really like you too, mullet… I’m just not sure where to go from here…” Lance sighed. “What’s that? You want me to kiss you? That’s the solution? Then you really should’ve shaved today.” Lance caressed the rough side of the pineapple. “Okay fine…” Lance hefted up the pineapple and brought it to his face so he could kiss its spikey skin.

Keith’s head belonged with the rest of his body… Well, that was really just Lance’s version of Keith’s balls (the lemons) and Keith’s dick (the second banana,) but either way they looked right when Lance displayed them together.

Okay, distracted much. Lance popped a cookie into his mouth and, sure enough, it was cool enough to consume. Hunk would be returning any second and Lance had made a huge mess… Not to mention he was still naked. 

Mess was easier to explain away than naked so Lance chose to dress first. He tried to rub off as much chocolate sauce and coconut oil as he could with wet paper towels (again, no dish towel to use.) He wasn’t getting most of this off without a shower, but at least he could hide what was left with his clothes.

He pulled on his shirt, underwear, and jeans then set about the task of cleaning this wreck of a kitchen island. Lance had not been aware during the act just how much coconut oil and chocolate sauce he’d been spreading around. Paper towels to the rescue once more! Lance was on his third wad of them and making headway with the cleanup when he heard the door open. 

“Hey Hunk,” called Lance, wiping faster. He figured he could lie to him about his attempts to make a snack going awry, hence the mess, “I was just…” but his clever ruse went out the window as soon as he looked up and saw it wasn’t Hunk.

No, it was Keith.

And for some reason Keith looked just as freaked out to see Lance as Lance was to see him.

“Wha – what are you doing?” sputtered Keith, standing near the door.

Oh no, this looked bad. There was still oil everywhere… What had been his excuse again for what he was doing…?

“Oiling the counter,” said Lance, leaning onto his elbow, trying to look casual like. The slickness of the oil caused his elbow to immediately slide out from under him, causing him to drop and knock his chin off the counter. He straightened right back up as if that hadn’t just happened.

“Why?” asked Keith, letting Lance get away with the chin drop.

“Protective coating,” lied Lance.

“… wouldn’t that be wax?” questioned Keith.

“Oh,” said Lance, trying to lean on his elbow again and learning from the last time when he felt the slip that he need to stop and straightened up. Dammit oil! Let him lean casual-like! “Did I, uh, get that mixed up?”

“But what is the chocolate sauce f –”

“Is that mine?” asked Lance, cutting Keith off and pointing to the blue and white dishtowel in his hand.

Keith immediately tucked it behind his back. “What towel?” he answered then winced. 

“Dude,” said Lance.

Keith let out an awkward laugh. “You caught me… I, uh, used it as a sweat rag in training before lunch because I couldn’t find anything else. I just washed it and was returning it.”

Lance knew from Hunk that Keith had not trained before lunch so he wondered why Keith was keeping up that lie. What had he really done with the towel? But as much as Lance wanted to interrogate Keith, he also had a bigger problem. He could feel himself getting hard again because his dick is a zombie that won’t fucking die. He needed out of this kitchen, away from Keith, but he also couldn’t leave the coconut oil. Wait… two birds, one stone.

“So I’m gonna header,” said Lance, scooping up the jar and holding it in front of his semi-hard dick. Keith’s eyes immediately fell on the jar and the odd position where Lance was holding it. “Hunk said I could have this,” said Lance in a quick lie. “It’s for beauty. Uh, beauty routine. Like for my hair.” Nice save, jackass.

“Okay,” said Keith, stepping to the side to let Lance waddle towards the door.

“Surprisingly heavy,” chuckled Lance, trying to think of an excuse as to while he’d be cradling it down by his junk. Moving past Keith and getting his gaze off of him was a huge relief. He let out an anxious breath as he made to the doorway, no longer feeling Keith’s eyes on him.

“Uh, Lance,” said Keith.

“Yeah?” he answered, looking over his shoulder to see Keith pointing at the ground. What were those little squares down there? Almost like…

“You dropped your condoms,” said Keith.

Lance froze. His eyes went wide. But they were in his bag… no, his back jean pocket… no, they’d definitely fallen out when he’d changed and those were them on the ground in plain sight.

Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck!

Keith looked directly at him, his face as confused as Lance’s was panicked. Keith was waiting for an explanation. Lance… had nothing.


End file.
